BADass SINema Unearthed - Blu-ray Review

Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties (1980) - Blu-ray Review

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Two Females Spies in Flowered Panties - Blu-ray

4 beersFergie was right.  It’s all for the glamorous life. Just ask the two women at the center of this politicking pole dance workout.

“Just move around and strip.  Don’t worry.  We’ll give them a hard-on.”  Wiser words have never before been spoken in cinema.  Or should I say SINema? And, yes, that’s exactly what happens in Jess Franco’s wild and wacky sexploitation classic, Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties.  Commanded to strip by a Donald Trump-looking jackass, the two leads, Cecile and Brigitte, who’ve already been sentenced to prison, find themselves faced with an offer they can’t refuse.  Do a little surveillance task and their sentences will be commuted.

And that’s only the first five minutes of this s(m)exy spy vs. spy romp through the Canary Islands.  Severin Films, promising a free pair of women’s undies with some shipments (of which this guy scored!!!), proudly presents this bold and wildly beautiful European skin flick on blu-ray this week with a newly restored and uncut version of this cult classic.  It is truly a thing of beauty, even if its production values are inconsistent and laughably poor.

I mean, who cares if there are noticeable flaws in this thriller?!  With this much glorious T&A on display, there’s OBVIOUSLY something for everybody - even desert-dwelling hippies and jewel thieves – to enjoy.  Oh, the flossy, flossy.  Someone HOSE ME DOWN.  

Franco, as a director, could work fast and hard.  He also liked his women wet and wild.  Considering that he also worked under a pseudonym, there’s really no telling how many films he created before slipping this realm of consciousness.  The books, under his name, report close to 200 hundred.  There are a number of other films he’s credited to as working on.  HE might have been a one-take purveyor of the cinematic arts but he could entertain audiences like few others on a regular basis with some very familiar storylines.   

My God, the fringe of the mainstream never looked or felt so good!  Featuring a hilarious “rape” of a homosexual man by one of the two spies, the movie also features a kidnapper who manages to talk into his girl’s vagina while he’s giving her oral pleasure and has enough skin on display (in various poses) to make even the photographers of Hustler magazine blush.  While there are a couple of rich moments – courtesy of Gérard Brisseau’s roving camera – and a lot of humor, nothing trumps the sheer audacity of the film to actually GO THERE and DO THAT.

Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties is an unforgettable extended strip tease as Lina Romay as Cecile and Nadine Pascal as Brigitte help to find the location of a young girl, who has been missing.  But first, they must work out the choreography of their new dance routine and, of course, bathe each other.  While Franco is known to flog a dead horse when he has a hit film, here he takes similar dance moves and injects some off the wall humor to the “drama” to create an ass-shaking good time. 

And the dance numbers?  Well, there’s little routine to their movements.  They just buck and sway and strip.  It’s as they say, just move and strip, and pearl necklaces for every satisfied customer!  The best and most artistic number comes in 40 minutes into the movie and, yeah, complete with black lingerie, cherry red lipstick, and cigarettes prove to be well worth the wait.  With Daniel White’s jazzy score as a backdrop, Franco suddenly gets very serious and delivers the film’s best moments as this dance routine definitely goes into the Best Of books. 

And Franco, even if he did copy himself,  still managed to influence an entire generation of moviemaking folks.  Planet Terror anyone?  I’m seeing some resemblance here with slow grind stripping of by Pascal and Lequement.  These two French girls can sway to some of the jazziest tunes.  They are professionals after all.  And it shows. 

With solid action, some stand out chase scenes, this nudie tale – during its original cinematic run – probably should have provided its male audience members something to take to keep them calm as they walked out of the theater.  Or at the very least a bigger bucket of popcorn to hide their boners from the rest of the world. 

Back up, Vampyros Lesbos.  There are two new bad bitches in town.  And their panties are better than yours.  It is truly G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.

Two Females Spies in Flowered Panties - Blu-ray

MPAA Rating: Unrated.
Runtime:
98 mins
Director
: Jess Franco
Writer:
Jess Franco
Cast:
Lina Romay, Nadine Pascal, Olivier Mathot
Genre
: Thriller
Tagline:
Ópalo de fuego: Mercaderes del sexo
Memorable Movie Quote: "Call the police. I'm Joan Taylor. I've been kidnapped."
Theatrical Distributor:
C.I.D.C. Altamira Fil Altamira Films
Official Site:
Release Date:
No U.S. theatrical release
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
August 29, 2017
Synopsis: Lina Romay and Lynn Monteil star as a pair of cunning bisexual strippers released from prison to work undercover for the U.S. government. What follows is a deranged mélange of kinky threesomes, crazed S&M, depraved white slavers and audacious international politics that will leave even the most obsessive Franco fanatics slack-jawed in astonishment.

Two Females Spies in Flowered Panties - Blu-ray

Blu-ray

Blu-ray Details:

Home Video Distributor: Severin
Available on Blu-ray
- August 29, 2017
Screen Formats: 1.85:1
Subtitles
: English
Audio:
English: LPCM 2.0; French: LPCM 2.0
Discs: Blu-ray Disc; Two-disc set
Region Encoding: Region A, B

Severin Films presents Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties on 1080p with a fine grain remaster.  While a bit fuzzy in areas, overall the transfer looks terrific in HD.  If there’s a limitation to the upgrade, it’s due to the budgetary restrictions and the mishandling of the movie throughout its lifespan.  Colors are saturated and warm.  Presented in a 1.32:1 aspect ratio and sporting a DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 soundtrack, the film might have been issued before, but it looks its greatest with this release.  The wardrobe items on the actors are crisp.  Shadows are defined.  The house in the story is also more vibrant than remembered.  Another win from Severin Films.

Supplements:

Commentary:

  • None

Special Features:

Complete with a reversible cover, Severin Films gives fans an interview with Jess Franco, composer Daniel White, thoughts about the movie from Stephen Thrower, location outtakes, and a theatrical trailer.  The first 3000 Blu-rays will include a strictly limited DVD of the salacious alternate Spanish cut of the movie: Opal of Fire: Merchants of Sex!

  • Two Cats In The Canaries: An Interview With Director Jess Franco
  • Filmmaker Donald Farmer Interviews Longtime Franco Composer Daniel White
  • Stephen Thrower on Two Female Spies
  • Location Out-takes
  • Theatrical Trailer

Two Females Spies in Flowered Panties - Blu-ray

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