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Well, it’s January and sometimes that’s all you need to know about the quality of the releases being dumped onto the unsuspecting public. Occasionally, like with the Underworld series, Hollyweird finds an eager audience hungry for their brooding darkness, but mostly the January releases just suck air and whatever money they can from an unsuspecting public. Unfortunately, in spite of its fun-looking trailers, Season of the Witch, directed by Dominic Sena, is a total bust. From beginning to end, this witchy monster-of-the-week movie is exactly the quality of its subject: an abominable beast.
The Crusades weren’t known for their wisecracks, yet the dynamic ex-crusading duo of Behmen (Nicolas Cage) and Felson (Ron Perlman) do exactly that – in a very modern sense for the 1300s - as they fight all manner of foe while returning a reincarnated witch (Claire Foy) to a monastery so that she might be saved once and for all and the Black Death she brought with her might be cured or erased or whatever. Roll out the clichés, folks. You can name them all.
The paper-thin script, written by somewhat of a newcomer to the Hollywood scene Bragi Schut, owes a major debt to every historical fantasy film that came before it. He borrows from everyone – including Ingmar Bergman, yet leaves out the intelligence and characterization and true horror and earnestness usually treasured by these types of occult thrillers. It could all be forgivable if this were a comedy. Indeed, Season of the Witch plays like an unintentional comedy most of the time…without the honesty of real jokes.
At one time, I suspect this movie – filled with some seriously directionless episodic moments while on the road to the monastery – had good intentions in being Hammer-like in quality, but somewhere (maybe in its casting) it lost its legs and became a mish-mash of horror and history and hysterics. Yet, Season of the Witch – because it weakly tries to be all three - is neither one of these things. It’s simply a hollow film under Sena’s vapid direction.
The acting, especially from Cage, is inexcusably awful. He isn’t even trying anymore; it seems to be just another paycheck for the financially-strapped actor. Cage is known for his oddly-timed line deliveries and, for his fans, that’s what they look forward to. Very little of that oddness makes the final cut here. Even his partnership with the equally weird Perlman lacks the luster it could and should have had. Both are phoning their performance in. Long-distance, it seems. Both are as wooden as a thick forest and simply quite awful in their roles.
Season of the Witch gives its audience nothing of value. Don’t be a sucker, keep your dough safe from this work of witchcraft. Trust me, it isn’t even worthy of this review.
NEXT, PLEASE!
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for thematic elements, violence and disturbing content..
