Reel Reviews

Nude Nuns With Big Guns - Blu-ray Review

{2jtab: Movie Review}

Nude Nuns With Big Guns - Blu-ray movie review

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4 stars

I’ll make this easy on you.  Exploitation films simply do not get much better than with Nude Nuns with Big Guns.  From the title to the actual content, this film explodes with skin, violence, and sex, sex, sex.  This isn’t your typical movie and for the easily offended, well, you should probably run, run, run away from this title.  Don’t even look at the explosive cover.  Now, for anyone well aware of the new breed of exploitation cinema – from Hell Ride to MacheteNude Nuns with Big Guns is right up your alley.

A group of nuns – usually naked as they cut the cocaine – wait on a bus in the middle of bleached white desert.  A drug deal is going down.  When the deal sours, Chavo (David Castro), a vile gang leader, enters the bus to find the missing money.  He kills all…except for one.  Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega) is spared and then drugged and then sold for sex at the local bordello known as “The Titty Flicker”.

Aided into consciousness by a do-gooder gang member, Sister Sarah vows revenge and arms herself with the power of prayer, a healthy lesbian appetite, and two massive shotguns.  The Lord’s work just got a bit messier.  With the gore and nun-raping set on high, Nude Nuns with Big Guns explodes with a basic premise turned on its ear by extreme sacrilege and a healthy funny bone.

Oh yeah.

Like most exploitation films (yes, even the best of the genre), the film is technical suck-fest and yet manages to float out over its watery grave and be a full-on confident thrill.  It’s choppy, uneven, has bouts of significant bad acting, makes strange cuts, and turns weird camera choices into works of art.  It’s also got enough full frontal everything to make Hustler magazine look like as harmless as a copy of Boys Life.

Watch it once and you’ll watch it again.  I can guarantee it…if only for the laughs.  Watch the use of slow motion.  Moments are extended that make no sense and, yet, in the strangest of ways make perfect sense for a film of this caliber.  Title cards are used to identify every character and once – very familiar – musical cue is used time and time again.  Grindhouse anyone?

If characters named Kickstand (whose only purpose is to rape nuns in order to get information out of them) or lines like “I’m going to nail you harder than Jesus to the cross” don’t offend you; if you are, indeed, a real fan of Troll 2, then Nude Nuns with Big Guns is the movie for you.  Here’s hoping director Joseph Guzman gets the chance to make the teased sequel.

Bang, bang, shoot, shoot indeed.

{2jtab: Film Details}

Nude Nuns With Big Guns - Blu-ray movie reviewMPAA Rating: This film has not been rated by the MPAA.
Director
: Joseph Guzman
Writer: Joseph Guzman; Robert James Hayes II
Cast:
Asun Ortega; David Castro; Perry D'Marco; Maxie J. Santillan, Jr., Ivet Cirvea; Aycil Yeltin
Genre: Action | Thriller
Tagline:
This Sister Is One Bad Mother
Memorable Movie Quote: "There is no penance for the hellbound."
Distributor:
Image Entertainment
Official Site:
www.nudenunswithbigguns.com
Theatrical Release Date: No theatrical release
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
January 11, 2011

Synopsis: After deciding to take her vows at a convent, Sister Sarah becomes enslaved and victimized by the drug-pushing predators within the church walls and, on the verge of death, receives a divine message – to seek revenge! Packing heat and shedding her habit, this sister of no mercy embarks on a relentless rampage against these unholy men of the cloth and their partners in crime, a vicious biker gang known as Los Muertos. Packed with sex, violence, and wall-to-wall mayhem, this outrageous modern cult favorite in the tradition of the greatest drive-in action classics proves that hell hath no fury like a nude nun scorned!

{2jtab: Blu-ray Review}

Nude Nuns With Big Guns - Blu-ray movie review

Component Grades
Movie

Blu-ray Disc
4 stars

2 stars



Blu-ray Experience
3 Stars

Blu-ray

Blu-ray Details:

Available on Blu-ray - February 14, 2012
Screen Formats: 1.85:1
Subtitles
: English SDH, Spanish
Audio: English: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1
Discs: 25GB Blu-ray Disc; Single disc (1 BD)
Region Encoding: A

Look, the film is an awful mess. The quality is low and, as a result, one holding out hope for an awesome looking HD transfer should look elsewhere. The content of the film is not pretty and, by choice, the picture isn’t either. Shot to look like it has been in the can since 1974, Nude Nuns with Big Guns is awash with golden and crimson hues. Flesh tones are warm and locale is blazing hot; on fire with rock and roll. This is stylized Ugly with a capital U. Anyone familiar with the artificial dating Machete knows what to expect here, but really the only ding has to be the sound. It’s presented in a tinny DTS-HD MA 5.1 mix that is so damn low and undistinguished that you have to crank the volume to get the front speakers to sound normal.

Supplements:

Commentary:

  • None

Special Features:

With only the original short film and a trailer as its supplemental material, Image Entertainment seems to have dropped the ball on this one. I’ll wager that it is moving an impressive amount of copies in the stores that actually stock it (just from its name alone) and the fact that there is a demand for exploitation films on blu-ray, so maybe we will get that sequel and some bonus features in the near future. Maybe.

  • Short Film (4 min)
  • Trailer (2 min)

{2jtab: Trailer}

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