By Mermaid (Guest Critic)
The Whole Nine Yards wasn't such a big box-office success. But for some reason Bruce Willis (who I like as an actor) and the rest of the gang have come back in a sequel. Could the reason be GREED? You'll find out if you should decide to see The Whole Ten Yards.

The first film was released in 2000, and the new film picks up with Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis) and his new wife Jill (Amanda Peet) as they continue their lives in the Witness Protection Program. They're hiding out South of the Border down Mexico way.

Jimmy's a changed man. A bit soft in the head. He putters around the house, doing housework, vacuuming, dusting, preparing gourmet meals, and raising chickens, all the while wearing an apron, kerchief, and sporting bunny slippers. He looks quite stunning (ha-ha) in this new domestic getup.

Jill's still trying to make her bones, as a hit woman, but she just hasn't been able to make her first kill. She's desperate, crying, and wanting Jimmy to come out of retirement and rejoin her in the game. She wants her first hit.

Then there's Jill's ex-boss Ox (Matthew Perry). He's moved his dental practice to Brentwood, married Jimmy's ex-wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), and continues to live in fear, worrying that the gangsters from the first movie might show up and take him out. He has his Brentwood home packed with guns, motion sensors, cameras, and more artillery then Fort Knox, just in case the bad guys show up.

There are indeed gangsters, and they do indeed turn up. The leader of the pack is run by Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollack), and he's come to avenge the death of his favorite son, Yanni who was taken out in The Whole Nine Yards. He does so by kidnapping Oz's wife hoping that Oz will panic and run to Jimmy even though Jimmy's supposed to be dead.

Oz does exactly that and leads the Gogolak gang to Jimmy's Mexican hideaway. Now Jimmy is forced to make a decision. Should he give up the good life he's been living and go on another adventure with Oz? Or should he stay in his Betty Crocker persona, and cry over a burnt roast.

CAUTION! CAUTION! This movie is annoying, the characters are boring, and the film doesn't go the extra yard, as the title might suggest. AVOID at all costs.
Mermaid