Legion (2010)

Reel rating: 1/5

Reel commentary: ... the actors look bored, the things they say are mostly throw-away lines, and the film takes itself way too seriously to be effective.  This is classic What-NOT-To-Do Cinema 101...

By Loron Hays

Brandish your bibles, folks, it’s podium-thumping and tambourine-whacking time once again.  Just when you thought it was safe to be irreverent and shed your pious cloth for springtime garb and summer fun along comes Legion, Scott Stewart’s clomping monster-sized mess of a film, to ruin all of your post-holiday fun and further cement the notion that January is the dumping ground for weaker films.  This reboot of the Christ story – yes, even Jesus Christ gets remade in Hollywood – loses itself in its ham-fisted message and has none of the merriness or the charm that marks the now-fading Christmas season.

All images copyright © 2010 Screen Gems.

You’ve seen the trailer and, trust me, that is all you need to know to know what the film is about (90 minutes too long) and where it’s going (nowhere fast).  Adrianne Palicki plays Charlie, an overworked cigarette-sucking waitress in a small New Mexico diner, who is carrying the Christ-child in her womb.  Paul Bettany plays the angel Michael, now a fallen angel due to God’s lack of faith in humanity, and he swears to protect Charlie and her baby (the Christ-child who lead the world out of darkness after the apocalypse) against Gabriel (played by Kevin Durand) and somehow thwart off the impending apocalypse with his tattoos and his weapons as a legion of secret-keeping demons descend onto their location.  Sound interesting?  Yeah, I thought naught. 

The film is being billed as a supernatural action film, but those unlucky enough to see the film may wonder two things: exactly what is “super” about this film and where’s all the action?  The film is too talky for teenagers and those folks brushed up on their Bible studies will laugh themselves out the door at its absurdities.  Case in point: God lost faith in man because of “all the bullshit”.  Not my words, folks.  Co-starring Dennis Quaid and Tyrese Gibson in wounding caricatures of the type of roles they normally play, the film might not be the worse-looking movie to open this week with a leading man in wings to star in it (note The Tooth Fairy), but it certainly feels and acts like it is.

As silly as Stewart’s story sounds, there simply is no fun to be had here; it’s awful and it could benefit from laughter.  The actors look bored, the things they say are mostly throw-away lines, and the film takes itself way too seriously to be effective.  This is classic What-NOT-To-Do Cinema 101, folks.  There’s nothing to sustain the audience’s attention with – no emotion, no fun, and no inherent danger felt by friend or foe; it’s angels vs. demons for Christ’s sake.  While it can’t monetarily compare with Cameron’s Avatar, writer/director Scott Stewart’s Legion employs the same tired clichés that Cameron’s film does and, in doing so, reveals the flaws inherent in supremely weak story-telling – gaping flaws that its special effects can’t swathe and pass off as the Second Coming of Star Wars.

Loron Hays

RAYRAY Says: Feb 1, 2010 at 07:10 "I HAVENT WATCH THE MOVIE LEGION YET BUT AFTER WATCHING THE TRAILER IT LOOKED KICK ASS"

vhany.. Says: Feb 7, 2010 at 09:54 the movie is great...it's just a little confusing on the 1st part of the movie...but over all it was commendable..

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