Arrive on time - Preferably before the trailers begin. If you arrive after the trailers begin, go see something else.
No making out in the auditorium - The only sucking sound should come from my shoes on the sticky floor.
Don't drop food or drinks on the floor - Take your trash with you when you leave the theater. As the cartoon character candy box says, "Please Don't litter."
Guy's shouldn't sit next to other single random guys - If you see another single random guy, pick a different row. In fact pick a different auditorium. And if you attend the movie with another guy, put an empty seat between yourselves and use it to store your jackets, umbrellas, popcorn bags, candy boxes, etc.
Don't ask people to scoot down - If you're late, suck it up and sit in the front row. Leave home earlier next time.
Don't share food or drink with other guys - It spreads germs and it makes you look gay. Unless you are gay, then it's OK.
Don't overlaugh - We all know that Ol' Yeller's death was funny, but keep it to yourself. A mere chuckle is adequate.
Don't sit in front of someone in an empty theatre - Why does this one have to even be mentioned? If there's an opportunity to put a couple of rows between yourself and the person behind you, do so!
Don't talk about shocking endings while leaving the movie - Always give them a spoiler warning.
No babies - Even at a G-rated movie! Keep a leash on your child. No running in the aisles and no screaming or yelling. If his/her behavior is unruly, leave the auditorium. Or better yet, a ball-peen hammer applied right behind the ear is usually very effective. Just because it's a kid's movie doesn't mean they are allowed to act like one.
No cell phones - Turn 'em off before you enter the auditorium. There once was a time when having a cell phone meant you were either rich or important. Now it just means that you are trying to look rich or important.
Don't kick the back of chairs - If you accidently kick it, slap yourself in the forehead, immediately apologize and don't do it again.
Don't fall asleep and snore in the theatre - You might wake someone else.
If you get in free, don't bitch about anything - IT WAS FREE!
Use the restroom before you enter the auditorium! - If you have a bladder problem, sit near the door.
By the way, don't take any of this too seriously. It's meant for fun, not for offense.
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