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He-man and the Master of the Universe has to be one of the most successful merchandising/entertainment properties to come out of the Eighties there ever was. Every kid in the world clamoured for another episode at the time, and bugged their parents relentlessly for the sturdy actions figures and Castle Grayskull play set. Making a film based on the property should have been a no-brainer—a licence for success.
Unfortunately, the film rights would be secured by Cannon Films, a company notorious for is B-grade action movies and with a reputation for biting off more than they could chew. Had they stuck to the low budget fair of yore, it may have been for the best, but they had their sights sets on larger prey—only they didn’t wanna pay enough to actually make it worth doing. By some miracle, Mattel allowed the film rights to go to these people, and the rest is history.
In an oh so inspired (and fiscally clever) bit of tale telling, this adaptation of Masters sees our Eternian hero and his cohorts sucked through a portal to Eighties’ Earth by the Cosmic Key. Skeletor wants the key for himself and sends his minions after them. But the key is in the hands of a teenaged couple, who happen upon it, and it’s up to He-man to rescue them and Earth from Skeletor’s clutches before it is too late!
Snore, right? One of the most imaginative combinations of old school fantasy and science fiction ever conceived and they set it on Earth, focus the movie so tightly on the teenagers that the star of the film, the villain, and everything people would actually come to watch it for, are relegated to serving their trite and insipidly over sentimental main plot.
He-man, played by Dolph Lungren, has the charisma of a rectal exam in this, as does most of the cast. Courtney Cox I’m sure wants to forget this ever happened. The only one that manages to barely rise above the risible is Frank Langella as Skeletor.
It is truly painful to see the rampant cost-cutting throughout this production (something they did to even greater franchise-killing effect on the last Christopher Reeve Superman movie). There is nothing in the film that honours the source it’s trying to cash in on.
Now that the negativity is over, and let’s face it it’s hard to be positive about this crap, there are certain cult opinions that this movie falls into the so bad its good category. It’s up to you to decide whether or not there’s some kitsch element to derive from this, but, if you’re expecting anything like the cartoon, my suggestion is drink something first—strong.
MPAA Rating: PG.
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